27th Mar 2016 / 1yr 248days – Harsh Realities – Job Search and Entering Another Flare

• Itchiness: Intense
• Flaking : Crazy
• Burning skin: Minimal
• Redness: Whole body
• Soreness : Limbs, neck
• Weeping skin : INTENSE Limbs, neck, peri-oral region
• Mood : Defeated

So, I left my job. I handed in my resignation straight after February closing, on the 7th Mar.

I realised that my enduring of the pain was getting me nowhere. Getting out in the sun every 2 hours, scratching non-stop like an animal prevents me from giving my usual best to the work duties.  Not to mention scaring colleagues off with my flakes.

I thought I could put up with it, like I said I would in my previous post. My first closing spurred me to hang on. I wanted to pull through because of financial issues, and just force myself. Guess I was too weak.

My hands were suddenly better like on a Saturday, and I saw healing on Sunday. Then came Monday and I wrecked my hands again once at the bus stop in the morning. So every weekend, my hands healed only a little, but the rest of the week it became wrecked again. Progressively, I noticed my hands never healed but gotten worst. To go home to my son, I MUST be able to single-handedly take care of him, and for that to happen MY HANDS HAVE TO HEAL.

I think I am SO SICK of telling myself that sentence. I said it previously when I started, before I rejoined the workforce, and now again for leaving the workforce.

SO SICK.

So, I left on 22nd Mar.

Honestly, I never thought it will come to this. I’ve asked multiple times for part-time scheme, not working out with company’s protocol. I searched for transfer to a less stressful position, no availability. Yes I am aware I am healing and things are not going to stay like that forever and I will get better, but the rate of healing had not been acceptable. I am left with the only option to leave. The workplace has been my 2nd home for so many years….. 7/8 years…… I am so reluctant to go. I almost teared. I grew so much here, along with watching younger colleagues grow too. We went through much of life stages together, being single, getting attached, getting married, becoming parents…. Really so many of them have turned into friends rather than colleagues. You have also read about how they welcomed me with various acts of kindness and accommodating much to my needs. The company has been so kind to extend my no-pay leave to the maximum period allowed, and arranged part-time for me to start off…… 😦 should I manage to heal, with stability for like 1 year or so, I shall seek to return to this workplace… and rejoin my friends….. 😦

Between my handing in the letter and the last day, I actively seeked home-based jobs and part-time opportunities that allows my skin to rest alternate days at least.  I couldn’t find any, but one kind friend referred me to a part-time job at an air-conditioned sleep clinic, that requires me to only work 4 hours for 2/3 days weekly.

I thought, I should be able to handle and my skin can rest in between the days. That sounds fine. I sent in my resume. Not wanting to mislead and shock anyone, I was honest about  my situation and urged the employer to read this blog to better understand my situation. I am glad he did. He contacted me for an interview and showed himself to be a really kind person, very active in community work, contributing every way he can as a medical practitioner to benefit the ill and poor. He was very willing to accommodate to my health requirements to discuss further. I was telling myself it will be lucky to work for a kind soul like that and contribute to his good works.

I went to the clinic, at a really central convenient location. Dream location. And I was so fearful of the staff working there to judge me. I was happy to find an ex-nurse, and an middle-aged retired teacher working there. They are SO understanding and did not show much disgust at all. I was happy to find the air-con at a comfortable temperature too! 4 hours on alternate days, seem to be really workable. I had a LOOOOONG interview with the employer and his accountant, and was shown the operations of the clinic. I was told to start ASAP if I can. We had an understanding of the pay rate and I went home happy.

But alas, the next day, the employer texted me on whether I am prone to infections. He is worried of me being infected because of the many ill patients with viruses coming into the clinic and me having plenty open wounds. He mentioned that a patient saw me on the day of interview, and asked why I was so red. I honestly responded, yes I am prone to infection, but I can do something about it by taking pills. And yes I do scare people who do not understand.

We left it at that. I was still given the impression to start soon after my last day with my company.

Then came the day after…. that’s 2 days after the interview. The employer was embarrassed to tactfully ask me if I can reduce my flakes in the office. He mentioned how the girls were still sweeping flakes 2 days after I left. At this point, I can really sense his discomfort.  I remember his clinic requires all patients and staff to remove their shoes upon entering the clinic. I also know medical offices to have a high hygiene standard being health-care providers.  I know it is a no-go. I have no way to control the flakes. I flake, even as I walk. Of course, I canNOT resist my urge to scratch. If I need to get out of the clinic every time I scratch, I am just repeating history at my old workplace: not giving my optimal performance and being unfair to my employer.

I texted the employer, I have to let this opportunity go. And thanked him for the chance he had given me. His next messages showed much encouragement for me to get well soon and that he understands with time I will get better, and that I can always ask him again when I no longer have flakes and want a part-time job.

Didn’t take me long to find out, even if I wanted to start this job, it wouldn’t have worked out. I was housebound almost immediately after my last day at my company.

 

 

Which brings me to:

SKIN UPDATE

Enters another flare. Was this like a prolonged thing? For I am in MISERY AGAIN! It was as if the skin waited for my last day to give me INTENSE OOZE! PLENTY PLENTY PLENTY OOZE at feet, and thighs and elbows!!! I noticed them soaking through my SOCKS! Wetting through my pants to my SHOES!

 

ARRGGHH THE STENCH! Lavender not helping!

ARRGGHHH THE AGONY! Mentally strain!

And the profuse sweating that can last HOURS! HOURS! even if I blow the fan directly at me! HOURS OF ENDLESS SWEATING! With the fan blowing long hours, I noticed the exposed area directly facing the fan had little mosquito-bite like bumps…. itchy and hardened bumps.

So the way I deal with it, baths again. Yes I know I said I must quit the hot baths. I am not doing it hot. I just want to sink in, so I sweat inside, and the stench won’t be there and I WONT SCRATCH MYSELF CRAZY THROUGH THE SWEATING. I tell you the skin is SO SOGGY I need not even scratch to tear it OPEN!

I declared housebound straight at the weekend after my last day in my company. :~(