Home » Uncategorized » 24th Jan 2017 / 2 years 185days – Believing My Own Judgement

24th Jan 2017 / 2 years 185days – Believing My Own Judgement

January 2017
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  • Itchiness: Mild

  • Flaking : Minimal
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  • Redness: Torso, limbs, face
  • Soreness : Hands, limbs, chest, face
  • Weeping skin : Limbs
  • Mood : Resigned

Took me a really really long time to learn, not to doubt my own judgement.

Took me a really really long time, to validate my emotions and realise that I am on the same page as anyone given the exact same situation.

I no longer want to question my judgement of morals, reasonableness, “common sense”.


I am not allowed to cook for my son and hubby, because I will spread germs to them. They won’t like my cooking either. you made their meals extra sweet, salty and oily, they find all other foods less flavourful.  I watch my son get poisoned with white sugar everyday, getting into the dreaded Sugar Addiction Cycle, and stuffed appetite getting bigger everyday. All that carbs stored as fats making him obese. And for that ONE day a week he goes to my parents you say they overfed him because we feed him a full meal instead of snacking around the clock. How can habits be cultivated over that few hours a week, compared to your stuffing him with sweets and fried foods around the clock ?!

I  am not even allowed the simple duty of cooking meesuah and eggs for my son, cause apparently I am poisoning him with alcohol. Please educate yourself, talking as a person who feeds him ceylon tea, bacon, sausages, fishballs, macdonalds every week!  I am cooking and evaporating away the alcohol content. Who are you to say my soup is horrible? Yes, it is an acquired taste, it is not as flavourful as your traditional salty and oily cooking and curries, but I have cooked this many times over the years for my family. My family thinks its got the right original taste, and my hubby don’t mind it, so please don’t put your family’s judgement over everyone else’s. Certainly not my hubby’s and son’s.

All the clothes and toiletries I bought for my son are apparently not good enough, only those bought by the Aunt is. Everything from shoes, underwear, insect repellent, toys to stationeries….. etc etc. Is she the mother? Is she taking my place?

Where is the basic respect of asking me as the mother first whenever you guys want to take him out last minute? Its like it does not matter what I have already planned for him. Everything is not as important as the family wanting to bring him out in a rush, and I am supposed to surrender him dropping whatever I am doing.

I am not close to my son cause he always cries for someone else whenever he needs comforting. Funny you say I spoilt my son so he is getting so disobedient at Terrible Twos, even though I hardly get to spend time with him.

How can you take out your temper at my son, when you are having an argument with me or your son? I see your hands tremble and shaking clearly unable to handle your temper, but you hit my son with hangers, pinched him with a clothes peg and left a red handprint on his thigh. You call this discipline? Acting out your temper on my son? Then saying sorry after? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TEACHING HIM? And yet you say I spoil him even though whenever I try to discipline him, he is taken away for nap, bath, eating or rushing to go out. And I was carrying out disciplinary actions without laying my hands on him, and even if I choose to, it is with a clear mind to educate and not out of temper.

So you told me its okay to feed my son medication meant to be after food like FOUR whole hours after any food. You think I’m stupid? And I asked you to allow me to check with the doctor, and you said no need you are very sure. I did so anyway and I am glad the answer is within half hour. I almost wanted to emphasis how the same amount of food can be digested TWICE in that 4 hours. RIDICULOUS! So you said you raised 4/5 kids and they are all well brought-up. Sure MY ASS! Well brought-up with HBP, high cholesterol, obesity and now I am even more sure, gastric issues!

Then there is one who said my son is aggressive because of the subtle “fighting” at home. Sure. Was it me who yells at another in front of him? Was it me who slammed doors in his presence? Was it me who speaks in harsh sarcasm terms? Was it me laying my hands on him and rough-handling him unable to control my own anger? I am teaching him to be gentle, but I can only see all these bad things influencing him more.


It is then I realised, I am even more stupid to doubt myself, question my acquired long-term knowledge, and allow myself to be confused by these people, to quietly take all this treatments because I feel indebted to these people for taking care of my son in my inability to do my rightful duties. And why should I be concerned of the warning not to shame the family online in blogs or Facebook? Why should I care if I wash dirty linen in public?


Take my son. I already lost him. I did this on my own accord. I married for freedom, and I got freedom. But I lost motherhood cause I didn’t know what I got myself into when I bore a son. I didn’t know I could love this much. I misjudged that the one could give me freedom actually controls so much, and the one I thought would control actually was the one who understands and trusts us to be responsible parents. I didn’t know it hurts so bad to be such a bad mother. And now I leave him to be taken care of by someone else. I cannot claim him back anymore. The day I chose to marry into this family, I lost him even before he was born.


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