- Itchiness: Crazy
- Flaking : Moderate
- Burning skin: Its back baby
- Redness: Whole body
- Soreness : Fingers, palms, inner elbows, arms, face.
- Weeping skin : Limbs
- Mood : Discouraged
4th April I started Ayurveda. For 3 months from then on, I experienced improvements. Many times when my skin improve, I am actually unsure of its causes. This time its clear, because every time I go for the treatment, skin shows lesions drying up the next day. I will be well for 2 days before skin reds up again and I’ll be due for the next treatment. Hence I was very hyped up to do a positive post showing only good AFTER pictures. I wanted to heal to the extent of smooth skin before doing another skin update.
Weather had been extremely dry and hot, with dengue cases risen to an all time high. I got more adventurous with food intake and I was not as reactive as I had previously been. Life was good and I was able to play with my son longer and accompanied him to enrichment classes!!!! I was so happy. I even met and catch up with friends. I was positive and practised Louise Hay’s positive affirmations, I had energy healing sessions, also audio healing with Lena Chen. I really thought I was on the way to total recovery and was waiting for the major healing everyone mentioned will come at the 2nd year mark.
Alas, the weather changed from extremely hot and dry, to wet and humid from July onwards. Skin took a downturn faster than Ayurvedic medicine could handle.
I started getting depressed again. I lost hope in everything. I experienced my worst oozing ever! I was so scared I’ll need to check back into hospital. Herpeticum also returned, late June, mid July and now in August. The rashes were spreading from the calves to my knees, and now to my inner thighs!!!! New rashes appeared in my inner arms, and elbows were weeping too. I started using drying solutions like potassium permanganate and Betonite Clay. I was wrapping more gauze at my legs, my thighs and then even arms. But I still couldn’t stop the spreading and nothing works long enough. I began to wonder if TCM had previously been suppressing the symptoms too. Then wrote my last post acknowledging that this be my last try at withdrawing from steroids.
So how was I supposed to think? I started this believing that I can be a better mum to a toddler because I was told EVERYONE heals from this if they persist long enough. I thought 2 years I would have significant improvement, but no, things stalled and I am now still unable to work. I in fact discovered why my body is so difficult to treat and activated a virus. I have a timeline, the timeline is my toddler’s age. For him I started this journey, and for him I have to end this journey. He is turning 3 come January 2017, and I am losing him everyday. I won’t want my skin healed but to have him turn away from me, the mother who is never there. Then the healing defeats its purpose! I see no way out.
I am now suffering the discomfort of intense inflammation, and ooze. Most of the symptoms I experienced at my 1st 3 mths are back, just less severe and no trembling. I can only pray this ends soon. Perhaps I may be forced to go back on steroids sooner than I thought…. because there is only so much I can take. 25mths, Its been too long. There are some friends who are supportive whichever decision I make, and some of them actually agreeing that I should stop if it risks my sanity / family relationships. And these are wise experience individuals. I am blessed to have them justify my concerns as real.
I pray still, I pray still everyday for a huge turnaround. A miracle stop to the misery, a wonderful hands healing.