- Itchiness: Crazy
- Flaking : Moderate
- Burning skin: Its back baby
- Redness: Whole body
- Soreness : Fingers, palms, inner elbows, arms.
- Weeping skin : Limbs
- Mood : Reorganised
The timeline I was led to believe that I should be around 70% healed, moved back home to being a mother and wife, and earning an income.
Nothing like that.
Would I have started this journey, had I known that:
- I faced a stagnant phase of over 1 year with no healing, contracted Herpes Simplex virus, and then not sure if my “healing” wrecked my body upside-down instead
- I lost my job, finances in the red, dragged my family down with me
- Ironically, it IS indeed a better quality of life that first made me embark this journey: the promise of better able to enjoy life with my son after 2 years of agony….
But now, everyday I am losing whatever quality I have had.
The answer is obvious: NO. The purpose of the healing is gone.
Believe me when I say its a test of my sanity, when I was lost in recurring herpeticum since June 2015, trying to keep positive seeking help from those who healed to assure me I am on the right track. Half the time thinking whether I am lying to myself, and if I am a victim to an “internet healing hoax”. I was going in and out of depression, frustrated with slow progression of recovery. Went for adrenal test, hormonal tests….. I even questioned my religion. I am better now after a little counselling from a spiritual point of view.
It took me ONE WHOLE YEAR on 1st July 2016, before it came to light that the thing that is delaying my healing, is the herpes simplex virus. I think my last TCM sinseh did try to highlight to me, but he told me in a way my dumb brain didn’t link it to my whole TSW progress. Until around a month ago, my Ayurveda doctor put it directly for me, saying the words “the virus stays in your body, forever, there is no cure for all viruses in all medical practices. You must manage it as part of your system now, or it will keep disturbing your healing progress.” That was my big A-HA moment. The one day I cannot control my herpes simplex virus , the one more day I am facing super slow progress.
There, my dumbass brain wasted one year. ONE YEAR of precious time. The lost time with my baby, the lost income, the agony, the sanity, the…. ARGH!
A fellow eczema sufferer who lived through cyclosporin, prenisolone & now azathioprine, put it in perspective for me very well:
“While I respect your wishes to follow the non western route to healing but have you asked yourself, what is the cost? When you ultimately tally the opportunity costs involved here versus our years on earth, the answer is telling. ……………………
But sadly, having strongly believed all the TSW testimonials, I didn’t foresee all these, and I AM in the journey, like it or not. So I am left with:
- make good my losses, continue to seek healing since Ayurveda is helping and get healed.
- cut my losses before I lose even more (relationships, property, finances, sanity), go back to steroids.
Discussed with my hubby, decided to go for another 10 months of healing. If no lasting progress is seen / Ayurveda improvements come to a halt like all other treatments, to go back to steroids.
There are those who judge (already know who will), some who feel that all the more I cannot quit else what I have lost, I lost for nothing. Before they do, please, try running around like a headless chicken for a prolonged period. NO support, no directions, no one with a certain answer. You are left with your own guesses, lying to yourself and your faith, sanity and religion. Try that. Then judge me.