- Itchiness: Mild
- Flaking : Mild
- Burning skin: Mild
- Redness: Whole body
- Soreness : Mild
- Weeping skin : Limbs, perioral region
- Mood : Sleepy
I want to touch on a topic I have been ranting about, but never really came to tell how I finally am coping with it.
My emotional stress with family, depression and hatred for life and such. I recognise that even if I heal from TSW, I will keep suffering rebounds like many healed warriors because of stress. Most suffer rebounds from work stress. But for me, work was my escape. I know I must learn how to handle this facing it head on and not hide from it at the office, else my eczema will never go away. This was also highlighted by my hubby.
Finally, come October, I seeked help. I did highlight in a previous post, I was listening alot to Louise Hay else I would have gone insane already. I voiced this to my friend and my TCM Sinseh. Both of them got worried and came with help. My friend recommended a Reiki healer, and my TCM Sinseh recommended an energy healer.
On Energy Healing
This Vietnamese-French lady was recommended by my Sinseh. When we first met, I made clear I cannot afford anything too expensive. She assured me that she is doing out of goodwill, and will not charge me. I was blessed. She tried to understand my concern, and chose to work both on the physical aspect as well as the mental aspect. She had me relax, and lie down on the bed, eyes closed, before she starts. She wanted me to relax to the point of being asleep. What she did, was very similar to what is done in this video.
I could really feel the heat from her hands. I was astonished as I have never experienced that from anyone. She feedback that there is some problem with my left leg, and my womb. She wanted me also to free my heart by writing down my feelings every time I felt strong anger / hurt / depression and such. Also, she asked me to note that night, whether I felt any strong emotions.
Which I did. I cried that night. I felt really sad. I am not sure where that sadness came from. But she said it was good release.
We had 2 more sessions after that, like 2/3 weeks apart each time. I felt really bad making her rush to suit my timing and so gave her a small token I can afford each time. We also had 3 distant session, even while she was overseas. But she didn’t really address on my depression, more of the physical pain / eczema. But after each time, I either felt anger or sadness and cried for release. But I know this is not a long-term solution. I need to LEARN to deal with the stress. I needed more.
On Reiki Healing
Ok this one really didn’t do much for me. I did this concurrently with the energy healing above, through the month of October till November. This lady was recommended by my friend and again helped me out of goodwill, no charges. She said she felt alot of angst in me. So much, I actually rejected her healing at the 1st session and she could see a child kicking her legs in anguish. Each session was carried out in distant, meaning, she was not with me to do it. She just let me know the time and day she is doing it, and I will have to relax at a the specific location, not doing anything requiring too much attention, but relaxed. Each time, I felt a certain heat at my neck. But that was that. She felt that there is strain on my throat chakra, that I am unable to speak up for myself, and the anger was too deeply buried to be addressed easily. For her healing, I have to soak my feet in hot salt water everyday.
Each session was 1 week apart, with a total of 4 sessions.
On the 3rd session, she wanted me to draw pictures, anything that comes to mind, with all the colour pens available to me. I explained to her I am at my father’s house, and there really isn’t much colour pens I can get hold of. She said, its ok, just make the best of it. And so, this is my “beautiful” art piece. HAHAHAH What do you make of it? She noted my frequent use of red to signify again that anger was the strongest emotion in me….. hmmm
She also had affirmations for me to say everyday. I still say them today. I feel it is a helpful way to get your day started on a positive note. We met each other after the last session. She blessed me with a soap that she claimed had all the positive energy with it. I gave her a very small token that I could afford to thank her for her time and constant counselling for the past month.
On Brandon Bays ‘The Journey’
I was told, by the same friend who introduced the Reiki healer, that the best emotional healing she got was from this lady using “The Journey” patented by Brandon Bays. It builds on Louise Hay’s teachings, and training is given to emotional healers to carry out this process called “The Journey” to help emotions be thoroughly released. It worked very well for my friend. And because I tried the above two methods without much success at controlling my emotions when facing stressful situations , I asked her to quickly arrange for my 1st session before I start work.
The healer contacted me and we met, for the first time, outdoors at a Macdonald’s restaurant. According to her, there is only 2 accredited Brandon Bay’s “The Journey” practitioners in Singapore, she being one of them. Apparently you have to “upkeep” your skill by attending conferences, reading, etc.
This healing is NOT cheap. Every time I pay around $250 to $300. But by this time I felt really desperate as I can literally feel my brain breaking apart, my heart pierced by knives, and sleep frowning and clenching my jaws really hard till it hurts every night. I felt like I am losing sanity and I was feeling anger and hatred every day. I ranted to everyone, but everyone who tried to talk to me realised they weren’t getting through to me. I wasn’t listening at all. People gave up, and I don’t blame them.
Being so stuck, I was eager to start this therapy, full of anticipation and hope that I can finally control my thoughts and anger. This method keeps focusing on having you travel back in time to your childhood, to recall the events that first created the deep emotional wounds, and have you imagine talking to your perpetrators how they really hurt you. With this, it is regarded that you would have “released” the hidden emotions, and healing is somewhat achieved.
Even tho the healer insisted that I did release my emotions during the healing sessions, I really didn’t feel there was deep release. But the session did reveal and “confirm” my deepest fears. I was glad to have found them out and better understand my behaviour. This healer was sooooooooo patient. I really appreciate her not giving up on me when it was apparent I was not able to forgive. She kept counselling me, for the same issue again and again, even outside the sessions via watsapp. She was never picky on the time I cost her and always responds in my time of need. She’s a real angel.
And so I spent the money….. 3 sessions. That around $700. The lady did not expect payment from me until I got my pay a month later. That helped me plan the finances. I stopped the therapy as although some healing and self-realisation was done, it still didn’t help me cope with facing the stress as it happens. I still had anger rising up every time I was provoked with the same situation again and again, hurting myself and loved ones around me.
I needed something yet more impactful.
On Spiritual Healing
This is a little on the……. erm…. psychic level. But I am not exaggerating to say, that I REALLY released with his 1st session, more than ALL of the other healing sessions I have experienced ADDED TOGETHER. I cried hard, deep and painful. I re-lived my pain, confirmed my doubts, I validated how I felt, I expressed the suppressed hatred….. all in this one session.
For this healing, you do not rely on yourself to remember your forgotten childhood past… which, hey to be honest, is really difficult and ineffective for me. Because the healer is psychic, he is able to jerk your memory and remind that pain FOR YOU. He challenged what you believed was true, and reveal to you the real truths. That felt so RIGHT with new corrected understanding, and so the REALLY strong emotions surfaced. Because I really remember how I was wounded in the past now, I really feel the angst, despair and hate. I felt the really personal issues are exposed and touched upon. I felt real understanding, real healing. Also priced highly at close to $300 per session, this is money REALLY REALLY REALLY well-spent. I have never met anyone who can help me like that. I felt PEACE, relieved and that my prayer for help was really answered.
It took me 2 sessions to finish “digging” my issues and learning the techniques to cope with the stressful situations as it comes up. They require practice. I am still practicing.
According to the healer, healing can be done and I can indeed learn to control my stress so that I don’t rebound when TSW ends. I HOPE IT CAN BE DONE! IT MUST BE DONE!
ON CYCLE OF NEGATIVITY
I learnt that if I keep whining about the same ailment, and talking about the same depressing issues to no end, people get sick of it. Be it my own mother, my hubby, my friends, doctors, nurses, even fellow TSW sufferers…… no one can tolerate listening to the same shit over and over again.
I STILL sometimes get back in the cycle of negativity, and when very depressed people cannot get through to me. Most people understand and leave me alone. However, sometimes I do have people snapping on me. Guess what, they are NOT helping. Being aggressive to an already depressed person who is not listening is only making things worse. I shut off more, and the hatred grows. No I do not intend to forgive. Because, who are you to judge me? Do you know why I behave the way I do? Are you aware of my ridiculously strict upbringing? Do you understand the pain I face time and again? Do you know how my yearning for freedom surfaced? Do you think you handle your life better than most? If you cannot listen, just turn away. So maybe you are a “non-nonsense go-getter” and cannot tolerate whiny people. Guess you don’t realise everyone has different threshold of mental strength / emotional pain. I do not need any lessons from you. I just need a listening empathetic ear, not be judged for my needed pace to learn to handle my life better.
You may give up on me, I shall not give up on myself. And if you think your way is actually able to wake me up, please give your time to someone else that may need that method to wake up. I need someone really patient, and not judgemental like you. I’ll put up with your place in my life for now, when it’s all over, please let us not contact anymore.