Home » Uncategorized » 23rd Jul 2015 A Year Of Healing…… Where Am I now?

23rd Jul 2015 A Year Of Healing…… Where Am I now?

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  • Itchiness: Moderate
  • Flaking : Severe
  • Burning skin: Minimal
  • Redness: Moderate
  • Soreness : Limbs.
  • Weeping skin : Calves, ears
  • Mood : Assured

Quite an abrupt jump eh? The last I wrote I was in hospital. After I wrote my last blog, the 3rd night at the hospital, I developed a fever despite the drugs I was administered. Doctors recognised that as a bad sign, that the virus is still active and not controlled. They tried persuading me for 2 hours to take steroids treatment. I still refused, and hence they increased the dosage of the anti-viral, and dripped antibiotics too. That means, 1 hour of antiviral, followed by half hour of antibiotics every 6 hours.

It was then I doubted my healing.  I asked myself “What have I done to myself? Why am I here, malnutritioned, underweight, infected with risks of eye infection and now brain infection, kidney and liver function failure due to long-term TCM, and in such bad shape?” It was the first time I felt real fear that I will not be able to see my son.

Thankfully, the drugs took effect. I have so many people to thank for their prayers. I was discharged after being on drip for 6 days, and another 2 days under doctor’s observation. The face gradually healed, with temporary scarring.

19 June 2015

19 June 2015

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21 June 2015

22 June 2015

22 June 2015

 

The 8 days in hospital was my retreat from my stressed parents. Sounds ungrateful, but honestly, I have healed more in these 8 days in spirit, than I ever had in my 11 months at my parents’ place. This place is more like a resort, a getaway from the tall housings, noisy cars, polluted air. It is really therapeutic staying there. If not for the bill, I think I’d be better off healing there haah.

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View outside my room

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Beautiful colonial housing

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I felt so much at ease, and happier.  I checked in underweight, slightly malnutritioned. With the hospital food, I was not able to keep to my almost vegan diet. I had chicken / fish every single day. I was discharged on 24thJune at the acceptable weight of 50kg. I was to continue with 5 more days of Acyclovir, 1 week course of antibiotics, ample supply of anti-histamines. After being on drip for 6 days, I salute those who undergo kidney treatments. I now understand their pain, of needles inserted every 2/3 days. My blood was also drawn almost every other day, to monitor my kidney and liver function due to the amount of medication dripped into me.

With this episode, I no longer want to get TCM help with my TSW healing. Parents were worried that I am doing this entirely on my own now, and keep asking me questions I couldn’t answer. I understand their frustration as they see me suffer and it seems that I am not progressing at all.  I decided to make a daring request to the lady who made TSW awareness happen in Singapore, for her to visit me at home and assure my parents TSW is real.

But little did I realise, it was more for myself Ms Grace Ng’s visit benefitted. She was articulate, speaks Mandarin extremely well, and successfully assured my parents by being a real testimony. And I was so touched when I saw her in my parents living room, actually really came in person to speak with us. Words cannot express my gratefulness. I almost cried in front of her. She has no idea how much help her visit was to me. To see another healed warrior, and to have someone like her who has seen soooooooooooo many healed, tell me that I WILL heal, is…… priceless. To have someone like her see my skin condition in person, hug me, clear my doubts….. no one else can give such real assurance.

I asked about my stench, how bad it gets. Unbelievable but real.  I asked bout ridiculous food restrictions. I asked about the sweating as well. She confirmed that it stinks hell too. I asked  about not having any REAL breaks in between flares, feeling that my TSW is in plateau and stalling. She confirmed that she herself did not have any breaks in her 3 years of TSW.  The huge assurance from her is that sweating signifies major healing, and that I should be in a better state not long from now. BEST assurance yet that my healing is progressing.

She has eased SOOOOOOOOO much tension between me and my parents as well. Her emphasis to them not to stress me, not to keep asking me not to scratch, not to keep pushing me for answers I do not have myself… just priceless.

I must stay in faith.  There are those who have no means but healed, those have all the means and healed maybe more comfortably, those who are healthier who healed, those who have many other steroid side effects already showing but healed.  In essence, they ALL HEAL. That is what Grace wanted me to understand. She has seen ALL healed. Diet is just part of it, it can hasten or speed up the healing, but WE ALL HEAL.

She came, and she went… and did not ask for any compensation. All she did willingly just because she wants to help those in healing. Pure kindness. I am blessed to know her, and other fellow warriors, including you who reads this.

So, where I am now? I started TSW exactly 23rd July 2014. I am 1 year into healing, and I will work to get my life back on track by another 6 months….. Jan16. Thank heavens my company agreed to extend my leave till Jan16! I am really lucky.

Of course, we don’t really know what condition I will be in by Jan16, or whether the healing will indeed progress at the current speed. It can be slower or faster. But I think the worst is over? It should get better from now? It has indeed been really depressing that all this year I NEVER had a day I do not itch, that I am not sore somewhere, that I am completely not oozing, that I do not feel discomfort of tight skin with every movement :~~~~( IT is this that makes you do NOT wanna move AT ALL, and just lie there half dead with mind fighting constant itch, and hands scratching every moment anywhere you can reach. Completely worn out. But as told by Grace, it will all be worth it.

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Tight sore elephant skin back of thigh

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Tight sore elephant skin back of other thigh

or soggy skin that easily tears with friction,

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Soft skin back of calves I didn’t realise I scratched bleeding

that I stop having that tingling uncomfortable tingling sensation. I ABSOLUTELY hate the nagging tingling sensation every single minute.

And the flakes! Like my hands, they hardly ever eased on me. Perhaps NEVER? I got kinda impressed by how much flakes are produced. I can EASILY fill a 2.5ltr PET bottle in 1 week. So its been 52 weeks, that much flakes I think can fill a bathtub! So completely grossed. I think I am addicted to taking picture of the flake mounts created by sweeping the floor 3 times a day.

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I finally reported my hands healed in the last blog. But that was barely for 2 weeks, then I was hospitalised. Whilst being on strong drugs, hands are ok. When the last pill was taken, in 2 days, the hands regressed to the state it was before any healing was seen!!! AHHHH DEPRESSION!!!

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I must find a way to maintain the comfort with everyday exposure to air-conditioning. Gloves, socks, whatever! I will consider using sulphur hot springs for maintenance. One warrior shared how it works for him, going to the hot spring once a month.  Am without TCM finally, maybe get a nutritionist help to get a SUSTAINABLE diet on track. No more malnutritioned SueAnne.

It has been a year of ultimate test of endurance, mental strength, holding my sanity intact. This healing has forced all in the family to be all tensed up, and come to terms with problems suppressed all these years. Everyone is forced to be honest. It has lifted a heavy load off my back even tho I created quite a stir and unhappiness in others concerned, and I am so glad.

 

SKIN UPDATE

 

Looking back at 1 year of healing, I am now finally comfortable to share with all my regime in healing.

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