I understand, I have had incidental mini-withdrawals, or what Dr Rapaport mentioned are “harbinger” of a real Topical Steriod Withdrawal.
I have experienced weeping here and there, I am always itching and flaking, but seldom hot. I think the last time I felt hot because of steroid withdrawal was like 7 years ago.
I read all the articles. I understand as noted by so many TSW warriors that this journey I am starting is living hell. Dr Rapoport had noted several patients to be suicidal because of continual fierce burning skin (The red skin syndromes:corticosteroid addiction and withdrawal Marvin J Rapaport and Vicki Rapaport,pg 558 Box 10) . About 5% of patients gave up withdrawal unable to tolerate the flares. Dr Chris Reynolds described TSW as extremely difficult and the patient suffers badly.
I also know the skin will have the quality of almost dead persons, the skin will keep withering away. I also know due to the history of my steroid usage, I will not have symptoms ANY less worse than most of the TSW warriors have blogged about.
I fear the pain, the suffering, the wounds, the stinging from showers, the intense itching, the sleepless nights, the piles of dead skin, the peeling, the feeling of being torn apart from all corners, the oozing of the yellow liquid, the blood, the mental stress, the constant discomfort, the shivering, the stench I have to endure, the mental strain, the slow healing process, etc. I HATE the burning of the skin. I’ll be walking around with rotting skin in a daze due to lack of sleep….. Zombie alive. Honestly, I don’t know if I can go through this.
I fear MOST what necessary changes I will put my husband and son through for me to carry out this TSW. I will not be able to care for them. Will they distant from me?
But after understanding all the facts, I just cannot bring myself to apply another dose of the steroid cream again. It is poison, and endless cycle of misery and bringing about more and more health issues.
I need my loved ones’ understanding, and my parents support. Else I don’t think I have the courage / determination to pull through.